18 Signs of High Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.”

When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70 per cent of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.

Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90 per cent of top performers have high emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.

Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve if you’re lacking. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests aren’t free. So, I’ve analyzed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. What follows are sure signs that you have a high EQ.

1. You have a robust emotional vocabulary

All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36 per cent of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions.

People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.

2. You’re curious about people

It doesn’t matter if they’re introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re going to have about them.

3. You embrace change

Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action should these changes occur.

4. You know your strengths and weaknesses

Emotionally intelligent people don’t just understand emotions; they know what they’re good at and what they’re terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you know your strengths and you know how to lean into them and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.

5. You’re a good judge of character

Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other people, know what they’re about, and understand what they’re going through. Over time, this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You know what they’re all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden beneath the surface.

6. You are difficult to offend

If you have a firm grasp of whom you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.

7. You know how to say no (to yourself and others)

Emotional intelligence means knowing how to exert self-control. You delay gratification, and you avoid impulsive action. Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major self-control challenge for many people. “No” is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases such as “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

8. You let go of mistakes

Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.

9. You give and expect nothing in return

When someone gives you something spontaneously, without expecting anything in return, this leaves a powerful impression. For example, you might have an interesting conversation with someone about a book, and when you see them again a month later, you show up with the book in hand. Emotionally intelligent people build strong relationships because they are constantly thinking about others.

10. You don’t hold grudges

The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.

11. You neutralize toxic people

Dealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. High EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their own emotions and don’t allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult person’s standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.

12. You don’t seek perfection

Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know that it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you’ve achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.

13. You appreciate what you have

Taking time to contemplate what you’re grateful for isn’t merely the right thing to do; it also improves your mood because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23 per cent. Research conducted at the University of California, Davis, found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy, and physical well-being. It’s likely that lower levels of cortisol played a major role in this.

14. You disconnect

Taking regular time off the grid is a sign of a high EQ because it helps you to keep your stress under control and to live in the moment. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even–gulp!–turning off your phone gives your body and mind a break. Studies have shown that something as simple as an e-mail break can lower stress levels. Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an e-mail that will change your train of thought and get you thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop onto your phone at any moment.

15. You limit your caffeine intake

Drinking excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, and adrenaline is the source of the fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt e-mail. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. Caffeine’s long half-life ensures you stay this way as it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body. High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and they don’t let it get the better of them.

16. You get enough sleep

It’s difficult to overstate the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams) so that you wake up alert and clearheaded. High-EQ individuals know that their self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when they don’t get enough–or the right kind–of sleep. So, they make sleep a top priority.

17. You stop negative self-talk in its tracks

The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that–thoughts, not facts. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook.

18. You won’t let anyone limit your joy

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks take that away from them. While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.

Great leaders go beyond their title

Joan Lloyd  

Are you a leader others look up to? Whether your title is fancy or plain, would you say you are successful?

There was a time in my life when I looked up to people in powerful jobs and thought that they had it all ... success, power, happiness. After working my way up a few corporations and many years as a consultant with a bird's eye view, I came to know the truth: that there are many roads to success, happiness doesn't automatically come with a big paycheck and real leadership doesn't come with the title.

I study successful leaders. After all, my job is to help people build a successful career. And while there are many individuals who understand the technical parts of their business and are wizards in their industry, in my view, there are very few who have mastered the art and science of great leadership.

Here are some of the characteristics that I think make the difference.
• They are courageous. When times are tough and hard decisions need to be made, they step forward and make the call. While others are running for cover, they are willing to do what they think is right and take responsibility for the outcome.

• They can envision the future and are able to help others see it too. They believe so strongly in their picture of a desired future that their steps are a decisive march in one direction and their actions leave a clear path to follow.

• They make the most of even the smallest opportunity. Because they are so clear about their vision, they are quick to see a potential advantage or an alternative solution to a problem. Their pace may be slow and steady but they are alert to any avenue that will help them reach their goals.

• They don't need to waste time playing political games. While they have the emotional intelligence to deal with different personalities, they don't stoop to manipulation, social climbing or patronizing behavior. They don't need to.

• They add value. Rather than take the easy way out, they look for problems to solve and apply themselves to untangling the mess. They are willing to move laterally within the company or move to an undesirable area of the organization to get the job done.

• They are survivors. Rather than whine about fairness, they empower themselves to do whatever it takes to rise above adversity. Entitlement and victimization are not on their radar screen.
• They get a thrill from developing others. They make it a point to know the career goals of the people around them and then look for opportunities to put in their path. They are also quick to give credit and visibility to others.

• They believe in the inherent goodness and integrity of people and treat their coworkers and employees as though they have the best intentions. This trust is rewarded more than it's betrayed because people want to live up to this trust in them.

• They are students who never stop learning. They read books, attend classes and seek advice from those who can teach them how to approach challenging situations. They study behaviors and are close observers of people and strategies. Mistakes are opportunities to learn lessons.

• They have a servant mentality. They dedicate themselves to the outcome, not to personal recognition. Given the choice, they would rather see the team win and don't need to be the "star of the show."

• They are dependable to a fault. Everyone knows that their promise will be kept and a deadline will be met. Great leaders know that their word is the currency on which trust and credibility is built.

• When they're wrong they admit it and make it right. They don't blame others or faulty circumstances. They have the backbone and the character to own up to their mistakes. They don't wallow in their error or seek reassurance; they suck it up and move on.

• They have integrity. Even if it's easy to take the road to personal gain, they won't go down that path if it is at the expense of someone else. They make decisions as though a room full of people was observing each action. Instead of doing what is fast and easy, they will slow the process, if necessary to do what is right.

• They define success in their own terms. They don't let others make the rules for their own happiness. Often it's a balance of family life, personal achievement and doing good for others. They don't let other's "shoulds" and "musts" rule their choices. They make up their own minds and set the course for their own lives.

Level 10

1. Empower everyone on your teaching and senior student team to talk about the benefits of your school and the martial arts, in general, as well as anyone in the world can. Yes, anyone in THE WORLD. Hint: It only takes practice. If you can’t explain the benefits derived from the training, YOUR training, then the only way your community will “get” what you do is through mental telepathy --and I’ve found that to be a VERY inefficient way to inform and educate people.
2. Treat every student in the school, whether you have 10 students or 1000, as if he or she were your ONLY student. What do they need to know and practice? What are his obstacles to excellence --and how can you help him overcome them? What do you need to know about her and her family that could show you care about her as a person, not just a student or agent of commerce.
3. Treat every member of your school who leaves the school, for any reason, as if he or she is still a member in good standing. People will come and go, as that’s the way of the world, but an excellent school gives of itself without remembering --and receives its students, past, present, and future, without forgetting (taken from “The Definition of a Mature Mind,” which is “To give without remembering --and receive without forgetting”). An excellent school develops the means and attitude that they mentor and coach the community, not only paying students. An excellent school isn’t simply another business in the community, it is an institution.
4. Excellent schools, I mean absolute “level 10” schools, don’t just teach, they EMPOWER people. To empower someone is to give them the power to make change in themselves and others. Power is found in health, in compassion for others, in believing that there is always a way to solve problems without resorting to violence or negativity. Power is found in being in the here and now, minimizing fear, seeking clarity, seeking engagement and participation in one’s community. Power is found in living a life of meaning and purpose. It’s good to think about teaching the martial arts, well; it’s excellent to ask yourself how teaching the martial arts can make the world a better place.
5. Talk about others more than you talk about yourself. An excellent school doesn’t just toot its own horn, an excellent school seeks out the wise, the effective, the movers and shakers, the enlightened, and the change-makers in its community --and helps them. It’s good to do for yourself, it’s excellent when you do for others, understanding that you can get what you want, if you help enough other people get what they want, first.

Excellence, like good, is a PRACTICE. It’s not something you have learned or simply know, it’s something you put to work on a daily basis. Cultivating excellence is like eating, you do some of it every day. Cultivating excellence is investigation, constant analysis, it’s honesty, curiosity, and about doing for others, as a way of life. Excellence has the exuberance of a 20 year old and the wisdom of a someone who knows, through experience, the difference between s*** and Shinola.

So, in every staff meeting, in every class, at the end of every day, week, quarter, and year, train yourself and train your team to rate the work, their effort, and the results you get on a scale from 1 to 10. Wherever it is that you end up rating your performance, if it’s less than a 10, ask yourself what the difference is between where you are and where you want to be. It’s in that question that your work begins; the work that changes you and those around you, you and your school, from something marvelously good, to something absolutely excellent.

A Leadership Primer

General Colin Powell
Chairman (Ret), Joint Chiefs of Staff

A Leadership Primer
Lesson 1

"Being responsible sometimes means pissing people off."

Good leadership involves responsibility to the welfare of the group, which
means that some people will get angry at your actions and decisions.  It's
inevitable, if you're honorable. Trying to get everyone to like you is a
sign of mediocrity; you'll avoid the tough decisions, you'll avoid
confronting the people who need to be confronted, and you'll avoid offering
differential rewards based on differential performance because some people
might get upset.  Ironically, by procrastinating on the difficult choices,
by trying not to get anyone mad, and by treating everyone equally "nicely"
regardless of their contributions, you'll simply ensure that the only people
you'll wind up angering are the most creative and productive people in the
organization.

**

Lesson 2

"The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have
stopped leading them.  They have either lost confidence that you can help
them or concluded that you do not care.  Either case is a failure of
leadership."

If this were a litmus test, the majority of CEOs would fail.  One, they
build so many barriers to upward communication that the very idea of
someone lower in the hierarchy looking up to the leader for help is
ludicrous. Two, the corporate culture they foster often defines asking for
help as weakness or failure, so people cover up their gaps, and the
organization suffers accordingly.  Real leaders make themselves
accessible and available.  They show concern for the efforts and challenges
faced by underlings, even as they demand high standards.  Accordingly,
they are more likely to create an environment where problem analysis
replaces blame.

**

Lesson 3

"Don't be buffaloed by experts and elites.  Experts often possess more data
than judgment.  Elites can become so inbred that they produce hemophiliacs
who bleed to death as soon as they are nicked by the real world."

Small companies and start-ups don't have the time for analytically detached
experts.  They don't have the money to subsidize lofty elites, either.  The
president answers the phone and drives the truck when necessary;
everyone on the payroll visibly produces and contributes to bottom-line
results or they're history.  But as companies get bigger, they often forget
who "brought then to the dance": things like all-hands involvement,
egalitarianism, informality, market intimacy, daring, risk, speed, agility.
Policies that emanate from ivory towers often have an adverse impact on
the people out in the field who are fighting the wars or bringing in
revenues. Real leaders are vigilant, and combative, in the face of these
trends.

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A Leadership Primer
Lesson 4

"Don't be afraid to challenge the pros even in their own backyard."

Learn from the pros, observe them, seek them out as mentors and partners.
But remember that even the pros may have leveled out in terms of their
learning and skills.  Sometimes even the pros can become complacent and
lazy.  Leadership does not emerge from blind obedience to anyone.
Xerox's Barry Rand was right on target when he warned his people that
if you have a yes-man working for you, one of you is redundant.  Good
leadership encourages everyone's evolution.

Lesson 5

"Never neglect detail.  When everyone's mind is dulled or distracted the
leader must be doubly vigilant."

Strategy equals execution.  All the great ideas and visions in the world are
worthless if they can't be implemented rapidly and efficiently.  Good
leaders delegate and empower others liberally, but they pay attention to
details, every day.  (Think about supreme athletic coaches like Jimmy
Johnson, Pat Riley and Tony la Russa). Bad ones, even those who fancy
themselves as progressive "visionaries," think they're somehow "above"
operational details.  Paradoxically, good leaders understand something else:
an obsessive routine in carrying out the details begets conformity and
complacency, which in turn dull everyone'' mind.  That is why even as they
pay attention to details, they understand the sentiment of CEO leaders like
Quad Graphic's Harry Quadracchi, Oticon's Lars Kolind and the late Bill
McGowan of MCI, who all independently asserted that the Job of a
leader is not to be the chief organizer but the chief dis-organizer.

Lesson 6

"You don't know what you can get away with until you try."

You know the expression, "it's easier to get forgiveness than permission."
Well, it's true.  Good leaders don't wait for official blessings to try
things out.  They're prudent, not reckless.  But they also realize a fact of
life in most organizations: if you ask enough people for permission, you'll
inevitably come up against someone who believes his job is to say "no."  so
the moral is, don't ask.  Less effective middle managers endorsed the
sentiment, "if I haven't explicitly been told 'yes,' I can't do it," whereas
the good ones believed, "If I haven't explicitly been told 'no,' I can."
There's a world of difference between these two points of view.


 A Leadership Primer

Lesson 7

"Keep looking below surface appearances.  Don't shrink from doing so
(just) because you might not like what you find."

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it" is the slogan of the complacent, the
arrogant or the scared.  It's an excuse for inaction, a call to non-arms.
It's a mind-set that assumes (or hopes) that today's realities will continue
tomorrow in a tidy, linear and predictable fashion.  Pure fantasy.  In this
sort of culture, you won't find people who pro-actively take steps to solve
problems as they emerge.  Here's a little tip: don't invest in these
companies.


Lesson 8

"Organization doesn't really accomplish anything.  Plans don't accomplish
anything, either.  Theories of management don't much matter. Endeavors
succeed or fail because of the people involved. Only by attracting the best
people will you accomplish great deeds."

In a brain-based economy, your best assets are people.  We've heard this
expression so often that it's become trite.  But how many leaders really
"walk the talk" with this stuff?  Too often, people are assumed to be empty
chess pieces to be moved around by grand viziers, which may explain
why so many top managers immerse their calendar time in deal making,
restructuring and the latest management fad.  How many immerse themselves in the goal of creating an environment where the best, the brightest, the most creative are attracted, retained and, most importantly, unleashed?


Lesson 9

"Organization charts and fancy titles count for next to nothing."

Organization charts are frozen, anachronistic photos in a work place that
ought to be as dynamic as the external environment around you.  If people
really followed organization charts, companies would collapse.  In well-run
organizations, titles are pretty meaningless.  At best, they advertise some
authority, an official status conferring the ability to give orders and
induce obedience.  But titles mean little in terms of real power, which is
the capacity to influence and inspire.  Have you ever noticed that people
will personally commit to certain individuals who on paper (or on the
organization chart) possess little authority, but instead possess pizzazz,
drive, expertise, and genuine caring for teammates and products?  On the
flip side, non-leaders in management may be formally anointed with all the
perks and frills associated with high positions, but they have little
influence on others, apart from their ability to extract minimal compliance
to minimal standards.

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Lesson 10

"Never let your ego get so close to your position that when your position
goes, your ego goes with it."

Too often, change is stifled by people who cling to familiar turfs and job descriptions.  One reason that even large organizations wither is that managers won't challenge old, comfortable ways of doing things.  But real leaders understand that, nowadays, every one of our jobs is becoming obsolete.  The proper response is to obsolete our activities before someone else does.  Effective leaders create a climate where people's worth is
determined by their willingness to learn new skills and grab new responsibilities, thus perpetually reinventing their jobs.  The most important question in performance evaluation becomes not, "how well did you perform your job since the last time we met?" but, "How much did you change it?"

Lesson 11

"Fit no stereotypes.  Don't chase the latest management fads.  The situation
dictates which approach best accomplishes the team's mission."

Flitting from fad to fad creates team confusion, reduces the leader's
credibility, and drains organizational coffers.  Blindly following a
particular fad generates rigidity in though and action.  Sometimes speed to
market is more important than total quality. Sometimes an unapologetic
directive is more appropriate that participatory discussion.  Some
situations require the leader to hover closely; others require long. Loose
leashes.  Leaders honor the core values, but they are flexible in how they
execute them.  They understand that management techniques are not magic
mantras but simply tools to be reached for at the right times.

Lesson 12

"Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier."

The ripple effect of a leader's enthusiasm and optimism is awesome.  So is
the impact of cynicism and pessimism.  Leaders who whine and blame
engender those same behaviors among their colleagues. I am not talking
about stoically accepting organizational stupidity and performance
incompetence with a "what, me worry?" smile.  I am talking about a
gung-ho attitude that says "we can change things here, we can achieve
awesome goals, we can be the best."  Spare me the grim litany of the
"realist," give me the unrealistic aspirations of the optimist any day.

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Lesson 13

"Powell's Rules for Picking People:" Look for intelligence and judgement,
and most critically, a capacity to anticipate, to see around corners. Also
look for loyalty, integrity, a high energy drive, a balanced ego, and the
drive to get things done.

How often do our recruitment and hiring processes tap into these attributes?
More often than not, we ignore them in favor of length of resume, degrees
and prior titles. A string of job descriptions a recruit held yesterday seem
to be more important than who one is today, what they can contribute
tomorrow, or how well their values mesh with those of the organization.
You can train a bright, willing novice in the fundamentals of your business
fairly readily, but it's a lot harder to train someone to have integrity,
judgement, energy, balance and the drive to get things done.  Good leaders
stack the deck in their favor right in the recruitment phase.

Lesson 14

"Great leaders are almost great simplifiers, who can cut through argument,
debate and doubt, to offer a solution everybody can understand."

Effective leaders understand the KISS principle, Keep It Simple, Stupid.
They articulate vivid, over-arching goals and values, which they use to
drive daily behaviors and choices among competing alternatives.  Their
visions and priorities are lean and compelling, not cluttered and
buzzword-laden. Their decisions are crisp and clear, not tentative and
ambiguous. They convey an unwavering firmness and consistency in their
actions, aligned with the picture of the future they paint.  The result:
clarity of purpose, credibility of leadership, and integrity in
organization.

Lesson 15

"Part I: "Use the formula P=40 to 70, in which P stands for the probability
of success and the numbers indicate the percentage of information
acquired."
Part II: "Once the information is in the 40 to 70 range, go with your gut."


Don't take action if you have only enough information to give you less than
a 40 percent chance of being right, but don't wait until you have enough
facts to be 100 percent sure, because by then it is almost always too late.
Today, excessive delays in the name of information-gathering breeds
"analysis paralysis."  Procrastination in the name of reducing risk actually
increases risk.

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Maslow - Human Basic Needs

Maslow  theories parallel many other theories of human developmental psychology, some of which focus on describing the stages of growth in humans. Maslow used the terms "physiological", "safety", "belongingness" and "love", "esteem", "self-actualization" and "self-transcendence" to describe the pattern that human motivations generally move through.

Physiological needs

Physiological needs are the physical requirements for human survival. If these requirements are not met, the human body cannot function properly and will ultimately fail. Physiological needs are thought to be the most important; they should be met first.

Air, water, and food are metabolic requirements for survival in all animals, including humans. Clothing and shelter provide necessary protection from the elements. While maintaining an adequate birth rate shapes the intensity of the human sexual instinct, sexual competition may also shape said instinct.

Safety needs

With their physical needs relatively satisfied, the individual's safety needs take precedence and dominate behavior. In the absence of physical safety – due to war, natural disaster, family violence, childhood abuse, etc. – people may (re-)experience post-traumatic stress disorder or transgenerational trauma. In the absence of economic safety – due to economic crisis and lack of work opportunities – these safety needs manifest themselves in ways such as a preference for job security, grievance procedures for protecting the individual from unilateral authority, savings accounts, insurance policies, reasonable disability accommodations, etc. This level is more likely to be found in children because they generally have a greater need to feel safe.

Safety and Security needs include:

• Personal security
• Financial security
• Health and well-being
• Safety net against accidents/illness and their adverse impacts

Love and belonging

After physiological and safety needs are fulfilled, the third level of human needs is interpersonal and involves feelings of belongingness. This need is especially strong in childhood and can override the need for safety as witnessed in children who cling to abusive parents. Deficiencies within this level of Maslow's hierarchy – due to hospitalism,neglect, shunning, ostracism, etc. – can impact the individual's ability to form and maintain emotionally significant relationships in general, such as:

• Friendship
• Intimacy
• Family

According to Maslow, humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance among their social groups, regardless whether these groups are large or small. For example, some large social groups may include clubs, co-workers, religious groups, professional organizations, sports teams, and gangs. Some examples of small social connections include family members, intimate partners, mentors, colleagues, and confidants. Humans need to love and be loved – both sexually and non-sexually – by others. Many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety, and clinical depression in the absence of this love or belonging element. This need for belonging may overcome the physiological and security needs, depending on the strength of the peer pressure.

Esteem

All humans have a need to feel respected; this includes the need to have self-esteem and self-respect. Esteem presents the typical human desire to be accepted and valued by others. People often engage in a profession or hobby to gain recognition. These activities give the person a sense of contribution or value. Low self-esteem or an inferiority complex may result from imbalances during this level in the hierarchy. People with low self-esteem often need respect from others; they may feel the need to seek fame or glory. However, fame or glory will not help the person to build their self-esteem until they accept who they are internally. Psychological imbalances such as depression can hinder the person from obtaining a higher level of self-esteem or self-respect.

Most people have a need for stable self-respect and self-esteem. Maslow noted two versions of esteem needs: a "lower" version and a "higher" version. The "lower" version of esteem is the need for respect from others. This may include a need for status, recognition, fame, prestige, and attention. The "higher" version manifests itself as the need for self-respect. For example, the person may have a need for strength, competence, mastery, self-confidence, independence, and freedom. This "higher" version takes precedence over the "lower" version because it relies on an inner competence established through experience. Deprivation of these needs may lead to an inferiority complex, weakness, and helplessness.

Maslow states that while he originally thought the needs of humans had strict guidelines, the "hierarchies are interrelated rather than sharply separated". This means that esteem and the subsequent levels are not strictly separated; instead, the levels are closely related.

Self-actualization

"What a man can be, he must be." This quotation forms the basis of the perceived need for self-actualization. This level of need refers to what a person's full potential is and the realization of that potential. Maslow describes this level as the desire to accomplish everything that one can, to become the most that one can be. Individuals may perceive or focus on this need very specifically. For example, one individual may have the strong desire to become an ideal parent. In another, the desire may be expressed athletically. For others, it may be expressed in paintings, pictures, or inventions. As previously mentioned, Maslow believed that to understand this level of need, the person must not only achieve the previous needs, but master them.

Self-Transcendence

In his later years, Maslow explored a further dimension of needs, while criticizing his own vision on self-actualization. The self only finds its actualization in giving itself to some higher goal outside oneself, in altruism and spirituality.

25 Ways to Stop Feeling Overworked and Overwhelmed

There seems to be an outbreak of overwhelm on this planet.  Everyone believes they have to be busy, on the internet, and on the go every second.

When you feel overworked and overwhelmed, stop and listen to the stories you’re telling yourself about your time, your work, and your life.  In order to change your feelings, you have to change your thoughts.  You could say that your problem with overwhelm is all in your head!

We forget that life happens in the moment.  Nothing else is real.  We only have to live in the now and work on one thing at a time.

Overwhelm doesn’t exist.  It’s an illusion – a story we tell ourselves that offers us an excuse to get out of what we don’t want to do or don’t think we can do.

But we can choose to live our lives one choice and moment at a time.  If you’ve been feeling overworked and overwhelmed lately, the tips below are for you.

1. Begin each day by doing your most difficult task first.  Set your timer for 30 minutes and begin.  Usually that’s all it takes to get going.  Work until time is up.  You’ll feel less distraction and fear.  You’ll have progress to celebrate.  And with momentum behind you, you’ll be ready to take the next step forward.
2. Be proactive and get organized.  Clear unnecessary clutter.  Eliminate all but the essential that gives you value.  Organization isn’t about perfection; it’s about efficiency, reducing stress and clutter, saving time and money and improving your overall quality of life.  And be sure to take 15 minutes at the end of your day to clear off your desk; then list your three most important tasks for the following day.
3. Manage your energy.  Everything around us is made up of energy.  To attract positive things into your life, start by giving off positive energy.  Once you’re in the positive, the secret to getting ahead is to focus all of your energy not on fixing and fighting the old, but on building and growing something new.
4. Take one day at a time.  No matter what’s happening, anyone can efficiently fight the battles of just one day.  It’s only when you add the battles of those two abysmal eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that life gets overwhelmingly complicated.  (Read The Power of Now.)
5. Tame perfectionism.  Stop over-thinking and over-analyzing everything.  Do your best and surrender the rest.  Let go.  So many creations and inventions never come to fruition because we spend too much time thinking and not enough time doing.  And then, once we begin “doing,” we never think what we’re doing is good enough.  Like overwhelm, perfection is an illusion.
6. Get over feeling like everything is so important.  It isn’t.  Stop overworking yourself.  Don’t exaggerate the importance of things.  Learn to say no to others so you can say yes to yourself.  Learn to go with your own flow.
7. Remind yourself that you are good enough.  Keep a success journal.  Note what you got right.  Celebrate what goes good.  Create the feeling of success in your mind.  Visualize the end result that you want to see.
8. Be mindful while you work.  Allow the distractions to float out of your awareness like a passing cloud.  Continue focusing on the task at hand.  Remind yourself that there is nothing to fear.  Focus on being productive, not being busy.
9. Shift your perspective.  Mix things up.  Take a walk.  Move to another room.  Work in a different chair.  Go to the library.  A different location brings a different perspective and clarity.  Just change your view.
10. Breathe.  If you’re feeling anxious or fearful, relax your mind and concentrate on your breath.  It connects you to your center and the present moment.  Keep calm.  Yes, the time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.
11. Make time for quiet.  Listen for guidance.  We avoid getting quiet in order to avoid our problems.  We prefer distraction, busyness and social media.  It’s less painful than admitting we might need to do something different or change.
12. Make a thought list.  Write down the thoughts that are filling your head.  Write down what you need to do, want to do, and should do.  Write down good ideas and distracting thoughts.  Go back to it later and cross out anything that’s not important, helpful or necessary.
13. Share the load.  Give up perfectionism and trying to do everything yourself.  Learn to delegate.  If you can’t afford to hire some help, find a way to barter.  Release your burden and allow others to feel needed.
14. See suffering as a choice.  We create our lives.  We choose to get support or go at it alone.  We decide what to do and when to do it.  We decide when to hang on and when to let go.  Overwhelm is an addiction and an illusion.  We use it to justify an irrational way of living.  (Marc and Angel discuss this in more detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
15. Flip your self-talk from negative to positive.  Do these lines sound familiar?  “I’ll never get this finished.”  “I can’t.”  “What else can go wrong?”  “I have too much on my plate.”  Change your self-defeating thoughts around: “I’ll finish one thing at a time.”  “I’m good enough.”  “What can I learn from this?”  “Tomorrow is another day.”  Overwhelm comes from your thinking.  Manage your self-talk and your feelings will change.
16. Be grateful for what you have now.  Having is about the present moment.  Wanting is about the future.  When your focus is always on what you don’t have now, you’ll never reach a future you’re satisfied with.  And the more you want, the more overwhelmed you’ll feel.
17. Don’t judge yourself.  Give yourself a break.  Let yourself off the hook.  You’re only human.  There’s no need to compare yourself to others.  Own your strengths.  Learn to think well of yourself.  Tomorrow’s another day.
18. Let go of the need to feel important.  We are part of a culture that thrives on feeling important through busy-ness.  We live in a society that chases money and fame.  We have a crazy need to be popular.  It’s a trap that keeps us striving instead of thriving.  It’s a choice that brings on feelings of overwhelm.
19. Make self-care a priority.  If you concentrate on your problems and weaknesses, the world will too.  It believes exactly what you tell it — through the words you use to describe yourself, the actions you take to care for yourself, and the choices you make to express yourself.  Tell the world you are one-of-a-kind creation who came here to experience wonder and spread joy.  And get ready to be accommodated.
20. Commit to a healthy lifestyle.  Exercise energizes you.  Just do it.  Don’t skip meals when you are under pressure.  Choose real food.  Don’t sleep less to get more done.  Sleep brings focus and clarity.  (Read 8 Weeks to Optimum Health.)
21. Do what brings you joy.  Visit your favorite book store or coffee shop.  Call your best friend.  Spend time in nature.  Get a massage.  Take a long walk.  Stop the overwork and overwhelm.  Replace them with joy.
22. Make Sunday a fun-day.  Give yourself a full day for play.  Refill your bucket.  That means catching up on sleep, making time for laughter and fun, and otherwise making time for recovery from the chaos of your routine.
23. Be generous.  Over-tip taxi cab drivers and waitresses when you can.  Volunteer in soup kitchens.  Visit the elderly.  Give to those who can’t pay you back.  Because doing so will free your mind and make you feel incredible, and you’ll be making the world a better place to live in.  Seriously, you have not truly lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.
24. Make time to connect with others face to face.  Life is more than text messages and tweets.  Sometimes the message is lost in the medium.  Take digital breaks and spend more time connecting face-to-face and flesh-to-flesh with the people who matter to you.
25. Spend more time with the right people.  As Marc said in 1,000 Little Things, “These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways.  They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.”

Afterthoughts

For the cynics out there who might say that the list of ideas above is too long to reduce overwhelm, there are really only two steps you need to start with:

1. Identify what’s most important to you.
2. Eliminate as much as you possibly can of everything else.

And once you get your mind wrapped around this, use the 25 tips above to support your efforts in applying this two-step process to various parts of your life.

The Three Touches

Touch a person with your eyes.  Good eye contact makes a personal connection.

Touch a person with your voice.  People like to hear their name.  Find people doing something right.

Touch a person with your hand.  A pat on the back, a high five or fist bump goes a long way.  There is a reason hospitals bring in dogs to cuddle patients.


Master B

Class Management

1. Set the culture as soon as the student arrives in the room.  Shoes in the rack, bow in and quietly warm up.
2. Belt is tied correctly, stripes on left, uniform crossed correctly or t shirt tucked in.
3. Students sit quietly.  This is how Black Belts wait- patiently
4. Students line up by seniority.  Juniors must always let the seniors line up first for drinks, to kick a bag etc.                          (hu bae-junior member, sun bae-senior member)