23 psychological Life Hacks to get a Situational advantage.

1. When you first meet people try to notice their eye color while also smiling at them. It might be because you look for a second or two longer, but all I can tell you is that people really respond to it.
2. Pay attention to people’s feet. If you approach two people in the middle of a conversation, and they only turn their torsos and not their feet, they don’t want you to join in the conversation. Similarly if you are in a conversation with a coworker who you think is paying attention to you and their torso is turned towards you but their feet are facing in another direction, they want the conversation to end. You should check out Carol Kinsey Goman’s research on these types of things in the workplace.
3. Foot-in-the-door phenomenon. People are more likely to agree to do a task for you if you ask them to do something simpler first. (Gradual Commitment… makes people them think you like them)
4. Alternatively you ask them to do an unreasonable task, and they’ll say no, so then you ask for what you wanted, a much more reasonable task, and they’re more likely to agree that way.
5. If you ask someone to do you a small favor, cognitive dissonance will make them believe that because they did that favor, they therefore must like you. (Ben Franklin)
6. If you ask someone a question and they only partially answer just wait. If you stay silent and keep eye contact they will usually continue talking.
7. Chew gum when you’re approaching a situation that would make you nervous like public speaking or bungee jumping. I can’t remember where I heard it but apparently if we are ‘eating’ something in our brains trip and it reasons ‘I would not be eating if I were danger. So I’m not in danger’. Has helped calm me a few times.
8. Avoid the sidewalk shuffle by looking intently over the person’s shoulder, or between people’s heads in a group. Your gaze shows them where you’re going. They’ll drift toward the opposing side / create a gap to avoid you.
9. When you’re studying/learning something new, teach a friend how/about it. Let them ask questions. If you’re able to teach something well, you understand it.
10. Refer to people you’ve just met by their name. People loving being referred to by their name, and it will establish a sense of trust and friendship right away… You should try Dale Carnegie’s book on how to do this and much more  (ignore his cheesy title).
11. For interviews I recommend altering your psychological state beforehand. Tell yourself “I’ve known these people all my life. We’re old friends catching up. I can’t wait to see them”. Visualize the experience, shaking hands, making eye contact, having conversation. What things can you not to wait to tell them? Hold an open pose…stand with your legs apart, hands on your hips, and shoulders back while doing this and SMILE. This may sound cliche but you are in charge of your own psychological state and the power of suggestion is strong.
12. If you get yourself to be really happy and excited to see other people, they will react the same to you. It doesn’t always happen the first time, but it will definitely happen next time.
13. My personal favorite is when people are angry at me; if I stay calm it’ll get them even angrier, and be ashamed about it after.
14. If you have a warm hand when you shake somebody’s hand, you immediately become a more desirable person to get along with.
15. People have a certain image of themselves and will fight tooth and nail to cling to it. Use this information wisely. You can make people dislike you by attacking their self-image.
16. False attribution of arousal. When you take somebody out on a first date, take them somewhere exciting that will get their heart beating. e.g. roller coaster or horror film. This gets their adrenaline up. It makes them think they enjoy spending time with you rather than the activity.
17. The key to confidence is walking into a room, and assuming everyone already likes you.
18. The physical effects of stress (increased breathing rate, heart rate ect.) mirror identically the physical effects of courage. So when you’re feeling stress from any situation immediately reframe it: your body is getting ready to do courage, it’s Not feeling stress.. A great example of cognitive reframing, researchers found that you do better when you appraise a stressful situation as a challenge, not a threat
19. People will remember not what you said but how you made them feel.
20. If you make the biggest smile you can, you will automatically feel happier. Quick read:Happiness: A guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill
21. The moment your alarm wakes you up, immediately react by sitting up, pump your fists and shout “YEAH!”
22. Always give your kid a choice that makes them think they are in control. For instance when I want him to put his shoes on I will say ,”do you want to put your star wars shoes on or your shark shoes on?”
23. People are extraordinarily aware of their sense of touch. If someone (a member of the opposite sex?) ‘Accidentally’ rests their knee on yours, let’s say, they know it’s there.

12 Things Pro Martial Arts Instructors DON'T DO- Dave Kovar

12 Things Pro Martial Arts Instructors DON'T DO

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We often talk about all the things that we should do to be the best Professional Martial Arts Instructor possible.  There are, however, at least twelve things that we want to avoid doing. Here they are:

1. Don’t Argue. Logic and emotion are like oil and water; they don’t mix. Generally speaking, when we argue we become emotional and don’t think clearly. As our emotions become heightened, the likelihood of us saying or doing something that we might regret later increases dramatically. Also remember, winning an argument does little to win respect or friendship.
2. Don’t Blame. When you point a finger at someone else, three fingers point back at you. Blaming others generally means that you are a reactive person; someone who is unwilling to be held accountable for their actions. Blaming others puts your emphasis and thought-process on problems, not solutions.
3. Don’t Criticize. It is one thing to be constructively helpful and another to be unconstructively critical.  The quickest way to kill morale is to criticize those on your team.
4. Don’t Prejudge. Unfortunately, it is natural and very easy to get in the habit of prejudging people. However, it is a terrible habit to have. First off, it is a waste of energy. Every moment spent judging others is a moment not spent on believing yourself. Secondly, when you prejudge others, you’re probably wrong as often as you are right. Therefore, you are going to miss out on a lot of potentially great relationships.
5. Don’t Be Sarcastic. Although being cleverly sarcastic is often a sign of intelligence, it rarely serves any positive function. More often, sarcasm only demoralizes and belittles the person it was directed towards. Remember, “Please,” “Thank You,” and “May I,” said sarcastically, are no longer the magic words.
6. Don’t Be Too Friendly. The Instructor/Student relationship is a special thing. Of course an Instructor should be friendly with their students. Becoming a friend, however, can very easily corrupt the relationship. There is a certain distance that should be kept which will serve the interest of sides.
7. Don’t Be Too Physical. There are several different aspects of being physical that a Professional Martial Artist wants to avoid. First off, make sure that your classes aren’t too physically demanding, especially at the beginner level. Secondly, make sure that students are paired off appropriately with physicality in mind (size, skill, intensity, etc.). Finally, no pats on the bum, inappropriate hugs, etc. Body contact between instructor and students should be kept to a minimum (such as high fives and handshakes).
8. Don’t Humiliate. The absolute quickest way to create resentment and friction is to humiliate someone, especially if it is done in public. Usually the only person that you should make the brunt of your jokes is yourself. People that enjoy humiliating others usually have a low self-image and try to make themselves feel bigger by knocking others down.
9. Don’t Be Condescending. A condescending person speaks down to those around them. It is as if their worth is greater than others. The only function it serves it to alienate those around you. Watch your tonality and try to keep yourself from appearing “holier than thou.”
10. Don’t Hold A Grudge. Everybody makes mistakes; some people make them more often than others. But when you hold a grudge toward others, you give them power over you. You are still letting them control you emotionally. Remember, “small minds hold grudges, big minds forgive and move on.”
11. Don’t Be Easily Offended. How easily offended someone gets is in direct relation with their level of emotional intelligence. Give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that whatever questionable thing they said was not meant to be taken in a negative way. When it is clearly apparent that an insult has been directed your way, just don’t accept it. Remember the phrase most of us learned as kids, “I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”
12. Don’t Take All The Credit. Nothing is more frustrating that when a team works hard and has some great success, only to have one person say, “I did it.” Build your team by giving as much credit as possible to those around you.

The Secret To Learning New Skills Twice As Fast

The key is not only lots of practice—but lots of varied types of practice.

Learning a new skill doesn’t depend so much on how much practice you do, but how you practice. The key is to subtly vary your training with changes that keep your brain learning. By changing up your routine, new research says, you can cut the time to acquire a new skill by half.

Acquiring new motor skills requires repetition, but iterative repetition is much more effective than just doing the same thing over and over. A new study from Johns Hopkins found that modifying practice sessions led participants to learn a new computer-based motor skill quicker than straight repetition. The results suggest that a process called reconsolidation is at work.

Reconsolidation is a process in which "existing memories are recalled and modified with new knowledge." The new study, led by Johns Hopkins University professor Pablo Celnik, demonstrated that reconsolidation is also key to learning motor skills, a process about which little was previously known.

"What we found is if you practice a slightly modified version of a task you want to master," said Celnik, "you actually learn more and faster than if you just keep practicing the exact same thing multiple times in a row."

Eighty six volunteers were trained to manipulate a cursor on a computer screen by squeezing a small device. Three groups each trained for a 45-minute session. Then, six hours later, one group repeated the same exercise, while another group performed a modified version, with slightly different squeezing force required. Both these groups repeated the first task the next day, and a control group only did one session per day.

The control group did worst, roughly half as well as the group that simply repeated the training. The group that switched things up did best of all, performing almost twice as well as the repetitively trained group.

The trick to making this work is to make small variations in practice sessions, "akin to slightly adjusting the size or weight of a baseball bat, tennis racket or soccer ball in between practice sessions." Bigger changes seem not to help.

"If you make the altered task too different, people do not get the gain we observed during reconsolidation. The modification between sessions needs to be subtle," says Celnik.

A doubling of performance over such a short period of training is a big deal. Musicians could learn new skills faster—a guitarist could practice their scales on different parts of the fretboard, for example, and perhaps the principles could be used to help amputees learn to use their new prostheses faster. The study has, note the authors "strong implications for rehabilitation."

Stretching

WHEN DUANE KNUDSON, a professor of kinesiology at California State University, Chico, looks around campus at athletes warming up before practice, he sees one dangerous mistake after another. “They’re stretching, touching their toes. . . . ” He sighs. “It’s discouraging.”

Stretching: The Truth

If you’re like most of us, you were taught the importance of warm-up exercises back in grade school, and you’ve likely continued with pretty much the same routine ever since. Science, however, has moved on. Researchers now believe that some of the more entrenched elements of many athletes’ warm-up regimens are not only a waste of time but actually bad for you. The old presumption that holding a stretch for 20 to 30 seconds — known as static stretching — primes muscles for a workout is dead wrong.  

It actually weakens them. In a recent study conducted at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, athletes generated less force from their leg muscles after static stretching than they did after not stretching at all. Other studies have found that this stretching decreases muscle strength by as much as 30 percent. Also, stretching one leg’s muscles can reduce strength in the other leg as well, probably because the central nervous system rebels against the movements.

“There is a neuromuscular inhibitory response to static stretching,” says Malachy McHugh, the director of research at the Nicholas Institute of Sports Medicine and Athletic Trauma at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City. The straining muscle becomes less responsive and stays weakened for up to 30 minutes after stretching, which is not how an athlete wants to begin a workout.

THE RIGHT WARM-UP should do two things: loosen muscles and tendons to increase the range of motion of various joints, and literally warm up the body. When you’re at rest, there’s less blood flow to muscles and tendons, and they stiffen. “You need to make tissues and tendons compliant before beginning exercise,” Knudson says.

A well-designed warm-up starts by increasing body heat and blood flow. Warm muscles and dilated blood vessels pull oxygen from the bloodstream more efficiently and use stored muscle fuel more effectively. They also withstand loads better. One significant if gruesome study found that the leg-muscle tissue of laboratory rabbits could be stretched farther before ripping if it had been electronically stimulated — that is, warmed up.

To raise the body’s temperature, a warm-up must begin with aerobic activity, usually light jogging. Most coaches and athletes have known this for years. That’s why tennis players run around the court four or five times before a match and marathoners stride in front of the starting line. But many athletes do this portion of their warm-up too intensely or too early. A 2002 study of collegiate volleyball players found that those who’d warmed up and then sat on the bench for 30 minutes had lower backs that were stiffer than they had been before the warm-up. And a number of recent studies have demonstrated that an overly vigorous aerobic warm-up simply makes you tired. Most experts advise starting your warm-up jog at about 40 percent of your maximum heart rate (a very easy pace) and progressing to about 60 percent. The aerobic warm-up should take only 5 to 10 minutes, with a 5-minute recovery. (Sprinters require longer warm-ups, because the loads exerted on their muscles are so extreme.) Then it’s time for the most important and unorthodox part of a proper warm-up regimen, the Spider-Man and its counterparts.

“TOWARDS THE end of my playing career, in about 2000, I started seeing some of the other guys out on the court doing these strange things before a match and thinking, What in the world is that?” says Mark Merklein, 36, once a highly ranked tennis player and now a national coach for the United States Tennis Association. The players were lunging, kicking and occasionally skittering, spider-like, along the sidelines. They were early adopters of a new approach to stretching.

STRAIGHT-LEG MARCH (for the hamstrings and gluteus muscles)Kick one leg straight out in front of you, with your toes flexed toward the sky. Reach your opposite arm to the upturned toes. Drop the leg and repeat with the opposite limbs. Continue the sequence for at least six or seven repetitions.

While static stretching is still almost universally practiced among amateur athletes — watch your child’s soccer team next weekend — it doesn’t improve the muscles’ ability to perform with more power, physiologists now agree. “You may feel as if you’re able to stretch farther after holding a stretch for 30 seconds,” McHugh says, “so you think you’ve increased that muscle’s readiness.” But typically you’ve increased only your mental tolerance for the discomfort of the stretch. The muscle is actually weaker.

Stretching muscles while moving, on the other hand, a technique known as dynamic stretching or dynamic warm-ups, increases power, flexibility and range of motion. Muscles in motion don’t experience that insidious inhibitory response. They instead get what McHugh calls “an excitatory message” to perform.

Dynamic stretching is at its most effective when it’s relatively sports specific. “You need range-of-motion exercises that activate all of the joints and connective tissue that will be needed for the task ahead,” says Terrence Mahon, a coach with Team Running USA, home to the Olympic marathoners Ryan Hall and Deena Kastor. For runners, an ideal warm-up might include squats, lunges and “form drills” like kicking your buttocks with your heels. Athletes who need to move rapidly in different directions, like soccer, tennis or basketball players, should do dynamic stretches that involve many parts of the body. “Spider-Man” is a particularly good drill: drop onto all fours and crawl the width of the court, as if you were climbing a wall. (For other dynamic stretches, see the sidebar below.)

Even golfers, notoriously nonchalant about warming up (a recent survey of 304 recreational golfers found that two-thirds seldom or never bother), would benefit from exerting themselves a bit before teeing off. In one 2004 study, golfers who did dynamic warm- up exercises and practice swings increased their clubhead speed and were projected to have dropped their handicaps by seven strokes over seven weeks.

Controversy remains about the extent to which dynamic warm-ups prevent injury. But studies have been increasingly clear that static stretching alone before exercise does little or nothing to help. The largest study has been done on military recruits; results showed that an almost equal number of subjects developed lower-limb injuries (shin splints, stress fractures, etc.), regardless of whether they had performed static stretches before training sessions. A major study published earlier this year by the Centers for Disease Control, on the other hand, found that knee injuries were cut nearly in half among female collegiate soccer players who followed a warm-up program that included both dynamic warm-up exercises and static stretching. (For a sample routine, visitwww.aclprevent.com/pepprogram.htm.) And in golf, new research by Andrea Fradkin, an assistant professor of exercise science at Bloomsburg University of Pennsylvania, suggests that those who warm up are nine times less likely to be injured.

SCORPION (for the lower back, hip flexors and gluteus muscles) Lie on your stomach, with your arms outstretched and your feet flexed so that only your toes are touching the ground. Kick your right foot toward your left arm, then kick your left foot toward your right arm. Since this is an advanced exercise, begin slowly, and repeat up to 12 times.

“It was eye-opening,” says Fradkin, formerly a feckless golfer herself. “I used to not really warm up. I do now.”

You’re Getting Warmer: The Best Dynamic Stretches

These exercises- as taught by the United States Tennis Association’s player-development program – are good for many athletes, even golfers. Do them immediately after your aerobic warm-up and as soon as possible before your workout.

STRAIGHT-LEG MARCH

(for the hamstrings and gluteus muscles

HANDWALKS (for the shoulders, core muscles and hamstrings) Stand straight, with your legs together. Bend over until both hands are flat on the ground. ‘‘Walk’’ your hands forward until your back is almost extended. Keeping your legs straight, inch your feet toward your hands, then walk your hands forward again. Repeat five or six times.

Kick one leg straight out in front of you, with your toes flexed toward the sky. Reach your opposite arm to the upturned toes. Drop the leg and repeat with the opposite limbs. Continue the sequence for at least six or seven repetitions.

SCORPION

(for the lower back, hip flexors and gluteus muscles)

Lie on your stomach, with your arms outstretched and your feet flexed so that only your toes are touching the ground. Kick your right foot toward your left arm, then kick your leftfoot toward your right arm. Since this is an advanced exercise, begin slowly, and repeat up to 12 times.

HANDWALKS

(for the shoulders, core muscles, and hamstrings)

Stand straight, with your legs together. Bend over until both hands are flat on the ground. “Walk” with your hands forward until your back is almost extended. Keeping your legs straight, inch your feet toward your hands, then walk your hands forward again. Repeat five or six times. 

General MacArthur on Leadership

Douglas MacArthur was one of the finest military leaders the United States ever produced. John Gardner, in his book On Leadership described him as a brilliant strategist, a farsighted administrator, and flamboyant to his fingertips. MacArthur’s discipline and principled leadership transcended the military. He was an effective general, statesman, administrator and corporate leader.

William Addleman Ganoe recalled in his 1962 book, MacArthur Close-up: An Unauthorized Portrait, his service to MacArthur at West Point. During World War II, he created a list of questions with General Jacob Devers, they called The MacArthur Tenets. They reflect the people-management traits he had observed in MacArthur. Widely applicable, he wrote, “I found all those who had no troubles from their charges, from General Sun Tzu in China long ago to George Eastman of Kodak fame, followed the same pattern almost to the letter."
    

  Do I heckle my subordinates or strengthen and encourage them?

  Do I use moral courage in getting rid of subordinates who have proven themselves beyond doubt to be unfit?

  Have I done all in my power by encouragement, incentive and spur to salvage the weak and erring?

  Do I know by NAME and CHARACTER a maximum number of subordinates for whom I am responsible? Do I know them intimately?

  Am I thoroughly familiar with the technique, necessities, objectives and administration of my job?

  Do I lose my temper at individuals?

  Do I act in such a way as to make my subordinates WANT to follow me?

  Do I delegate tasks that should be mine?

  Do I arrogate everything to myself and delegate nothing?

  Do I develop my subordinates by placing on each one as much responsibility as he can stand?

  Am I interested in the personal welfare of each of my subordinates, as if he were a member of my family?

  Have I the calmness of voice and manner to inspire confidence, or am I inclined to irascibility and excitability?

  Am I a constant example to my subordinates in character, dress, deportment and courtesy?

  Am I inclined to be nice to my superiors and mean to my subordinates?

  Is my door open to my subordinates?

  Do I think more of POSITION than JOB?

  Do I correct a subordinate in the presence of others?

The “4 C’s to Mental Toughness”

The “4 C’s to Mental Toughness”

Psychologist Dr. Peter Clough developed the “Mental Toughness Training Model,” a psychometric assessment measure, which enables users to assess mental toughness in four core areas

Confidence
Challenge
Control
Commitment

Here’s how you can use the components to your advantage and become more mentally tough:

1. Confidence

Do you believe in yourself and your abilities? Can you effectively navigate conflict and challenges? Do you have well-developed social skills?

People who are self-confident believe that they can achieve success, despite any obstacles they encounter. They work hard to develop themselves in competitive environments. They are proactive, decisive and courageous in spite of fear. Take Shark Tank’s Barbara Corcoran for example. She had a terrible fear of public speaking, but she knew that she had to embrace it, rather than run from it, if she wanted to become successful. Her strategy? She thrust herself into every possible speaking opportunity she could find and worked at it like crazy. Today, she’s in demand on stages all around the globe.  Regarding self-confidence she says, “Don’t be afraid. Stand up and shout loud and clear enough for everyone to hear: “No, I am NOT stupid.”

2. Challenge

Do you thrive in environments that constantly change or present new opportunities for learning and growth?

People who embrace challenges tend to have an extraordinary ability to think and work outside the box. They enjoy exercising creativity, exploring innovation, and accepting some degree of risk. Why? They are keenly focused on achieving positive outcomes. Spiritual teacher and The Power of Now author Eckhart Tolle, teaches that challenges, difficulties and uncertainty, all concepts that point to change—and upset the status quo—are natural parts of life that should be embraced. He notes that, “Change is absolutely necessary and offers a new way of being in this world.”

3. Control

Do you feel that you have control over your life and the power to shape your destiny? How do you deal with the ebb and flow of life’s ups and downs?

People with a strong sense of control over their lives tend to be more relaxed and self-confident. They are more connected to their emotions, self-regulating and motivated to achieve results. They believe that they’ve got the power to influence their outcomes, and lo and behold they do. Peak performance expert Tony Robbins developed a five-step process aimed at helping others develop more control and achieve greater results. It’s totally worth taking a closer look, especially as part of developing an overall mental toughness strategy.

4. Commitment

Are you committed to achieving your outcomes? Do you set goals and work consistently to achieve them, even when you experience setbacks?

This is also known as “stickability.” Misty Copeland showed the world she was committed to becoming a prima ballerina, even in the face of unmistakable adversity. Her advice? Stick with it and persevere. It may seem counterintuitive, but “the path to your success is not as fixed and inflexible as you might think,” she says.

Feeling less than mentally tough?

What’s true for sure is that we all need it to succeed, no matter our background or what industry we’re in. It’s the secret sauce for performing at the top of your game, especially during tough times. And just like a lot of other important leadership traits, mental toughness is not something you’re born with. It’s developed over time it by focusing on the key components, little by little.  

Use the 4 C’s to your advantage and you will be well on your way to achieving mental toughness—and greater success.

The Riddle Of Experience vs. Memory

In a medical procedure that compared two patients experiences had an interesting conclusion.
Patient A
Patient B
The reason patient B had a worse memory of the experience was because the pain was great at the end of the procedure.  The last part of our karate class is the most memorable too.   Leave the students high off the experience and wanting more.

 So, we always say " Finish on a high note"

The riddle of experience vs. memory