Leadership

5 Ways to Speak More Powerfully

“It’s been impossible for me to get a job,” the woman tells me, having just been introduced by a mutual acquaintance at breakfast. “There’s just nothing out there. Absolutely nothing.”

Although I have no way to validate her situation, my strong sense is that it is not impossible and that there is something out there. She just hasn’t found it. As I encourage her to stay proactive, I can’t help but think how easily her words could create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Related: How Your Words Impact Your Success

The words you speak hold power. Power to create new possibilities or to close them down. Power to build relationships or to damage them. Power to lift people up or to pull them down.

Too often we don’t realize just how impactful our words are—both on ourselves and others. If we did, we’d do far less complaining and far more encouraging. You would also hear a lot less of “It’s impossible to…,” “I’m totally hopeless at…” or “I had no choice…”—all phrases which undermine our power and limit our future.

Psychologists have found that our subconscious mind interprets what it hears very literally. The words that come out of our mouth create the reality we inhabit. Unfortunately, it’s often a negative reality because we unconsciously sabotage our success simply by using language that undermines our opinions, amplifies our problems and chips away at our confidence to handle them.

Whatever direction your words lead, your mind, body, and environment will inevitably follow.

If you use positive language about yourself and your ability to learn new skills, achieve your goals and handle pressure, then that’s what tends to show up externally. Conversely, if you’re continually saying things that affirm incompetence, echo hopelessness, nurture anxiety or fuel pessimism, then that will also shape your reality. Over time your world will morph to mirror your words.

Therefore, it’s extremely important to be thoughtful about the words you use and deliberate about speaking in ways that empower and expand rather than devalue and deflate.

Related: Attitude Adjustment 101: Say It Out Loud with Me…

The truth is that most people grossly underestimate the power they possess to effect positive change. This is echoed in the words they use to describe themselves and their circumstances. By painting themselves as helpless victims of forces beyond their control, devoid of the power and influence to improve their lot, they render themselves just that. It’s a vicious cycle as they gather more and more evidence to confirm their powerlessness.

Tapping into your personal power starts with building self-awareness of where you are, using what psychologists call “out of power” language. To that end, below are five ways you can change how you speak in order to build your confidence, grow your influence and improve your ability to get more of what you want and change what you don’t.

1. Speak possibilities into life.

Orville and Wilbur Wright didn’t get an aircraft off the ground by focusing on what they couldn’t do, but by continually extending the boundaries of what they could. It’s the same for you. Focus on the things you want and you’ll spot opportunities you might have otherwise missed. Focus on the negative aspects of your situation, what you can’t or don’t want to do, and it will only amplify pessimism, triggering more negative emotions and channeling time and energy that might otherwise have been used more constructively.

For example:

• If you want more time, talk about the important things you will schedule into your day, week and year (not about how crazy busy you are).
• If you want more success, talk about your aspirations and what you can do to make them a reality (not about how big your problems are).
• If you want more power and influence, talk about what you’ll do with the influence you already have (not about how no one takes you seriously).

2. Don’t “try” to do something.

If President Kennedy had said, “Let’s try to get a man on the moon,” we’d probably still be trying. There is real power in making a committed declaration about what you want to change, achieve or become. Saying “I’ll try” resonates with hesitation and ambivalence. Saying “I will” declares to yourself and anyone listening that you’re serious about changing the game and what you most want is already a done deal. It’s just waiting to be completed.

Committing with a confident can-do spirit shifts the energy you bring to a challenge and rallies people around you in ways that trying, wishing and “hoping for the best” never will. Try it!

3. Never say never.

Up until Roger Bannister ran a mile in under 4 minutes in 1954, it was collectively believed to be a physical impossibility. So few people bothered to try. But within six weeks of Bannister doing the “impossible,” John Landy broke the record by nearly a second.

Most of us have no idea about what is actually possible. Likewise, when we use absolute terms as descriptors, we fall into what’s known as a “linguistic trap”—confining ourselves to the walls our words create. Hence, words like always, never and impossible can be very self-limiting and should be used cautiously.

4. Never apologize for having an opinion.

Russian philosopher Mikhail Bakhtin coined the term “double voice discourse” to explain the phenomena where people prefaced their statements to minimize the chance of a negative reaction. For instance, “I know I might have this all wrong, but…” or “I apologize if anyone disagrees, but I was thinking, maybe,… ”

It’s little surprise (to this woman at least) that women, who excel at forming relationships but are loathe to disrupt them, are four times more likely to do this than men. But regardless of your gender, devaluing your opinion serves no one and deprives everyone of the value your perspective brings.

5. Beware of labels. They limit.

When used on pantry containers, labels can be very helpful. But they can also hem you in because you subconsciously comply with them. For example, just because you are sometimes lazy doesn’t mean you can’t choose not to be lazy. Just because you failed at something, doesn’t mean you’re a failure. And just because you’ve had a lousy fashion sense doesn’t mean you can’t improve it.

Although changing habitual ways of speaking isn’t done overnight, neuroscientists have found that with repeated practice, you can rewire your brain. That is, your innate neural plasticity enables you to replace negative patterns of thought and behavior with positive ones. How you speak included. Of course, when you slip back into default habits, as you inevitably will, don’t beat yourself up or label yourself as a lost cause. Rather, accept your fallibility and refocus on the positive changes you want to make.

You can kick-start your efforts by asking your favorite three people to call you out each time they hear you use “out of power” language. It could be the most powerful thing you do all year!

11 Habits of Genuinely Likable People

There's a formula to making a great first impression: Smile, make eye contact, be engaging. But first impressions can also quickly lose their impact, especially when there's no substance beneath the surface glow.

Being genuinely likable over the long haul is tougher. Building and maintaining great relationships, consistently influencing others in a good way and making people feel better about themselves, those are things relatively few people can do.

But you can, because being the most likable person in the room has nothing to do with your level of success, or your presentation skills, or how you dress, or the image you project. Being genuinely likable is all about what you do.

How can you be more likable, in a sincere and authentic way?

1. Give before you receive, knowing you may never receive.

Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you can provide. Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and relationship.

Focus on what you can get out of the other person, and you show that the only person who really matters is you.

2. Shift the spotlight to other people.

No one receives enough praise. That means one of the easiest ways to be likable is to tell people what they did well.

Wait, you say you don't know what they did well? Shame on you -- it's your job to know.

Not only will people appreciate your praise, they'll appreciate the fact you care enough to pay attention to what they do. And then they'll feel a little more accomplished and a lot more important, and they'll love you for making them feel that way.

3. Listen three times more than you talk.

Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Frown. Nod. Respond -- not just verbally, but nonverbally. That's all it takes to show the other person he or she is important.

When you do speak, don't offer advice unless you're asked. Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice does, because when you offer advice, in most cases, you make the conversation about you.

Don't believe me? Who is "Here's what I would do" about: you or the other person?

Only speak when you have something important to say -- and always define important as what matters to the other person, not to you.

4. Never practice selective hearing.

Some people -- and I guarantee you know people like this -- are incapable of hearing anything said by someone they feel is somehow beneath them.

Sure, you speak to them, but that particular falling tree doesn't make a sound in the forest, because there's no one actually listening.

Charismatic people listen closely to everyone, and they make all of us, regardless of our position or social status or "level," feel like we have something in common with them.

Because we do. We're all human.

5. Be thoughtful simply because you can.

I pulled into a service bay to get my oil changed. As I got out of the car, one of the techs said, "Man, those are nice wheels. Too bad they're so dirty." He smiled, just teasing.

"I know," I said. "My next stop is the car wash." Then I went inside to wait.

When I walked to my car to leave, the tech was just standing up, filthy rags in his hand. "It took some work, but I got 'em all clean," he said. Every rim sparkled. Every speck of brake dust was gone.

"Wow, that's awesome, but you didn't have to do that," I said.

"We're not very busy," he shrugged. "I had time. Figured I would make 'em look better." Just then a car pulled into another bay so he hustled away, saying over his shoulder, "Have a good day."

That was years ago, but I still haven't forgotten it.

Instead of turning idle time into "me time," likable people use their free time to do something nice -- not because they're expected to, but just because they can.

6. Put your stuff away.

Don't check your phone. Don't glance at your monitor. Don't focus on anything else, even for a moment.

You can never connect with others if you're busy connecting with your stuff, too.

Give the gift of your full attention. That's a gift few people give. It alone will make others want to be around you.

7. Never act self-important ...

The only people who are impressed by your stuffy, pretentious, self-important self are other stuffy, pretentious, self-important people.

The rest aren't impressed. They're irritated, put off, and uncomfortable.

And they hate when you walk into the room.

8. ... Because other people are always more important.

You already know what you know. You know your opinions. You know your perspectives and points of view.

That stuff isn't important, because it's already yours. You can't learn anything from yourself.

But you don't know what other people know, and everyone, no matter who he or she is, knows things you don't know.

That makes other people a lot more important to you than you -- because you can learn from them.

9. Choose your words wisely.

The words you use impact the attitude of others.

For example, you don't have to go to a meeting; you get to go meet with other people. You don't have to create a presentation for a new client; you get to share cool stuff with other people. You don't have to go to the gym; you get to work out and improve your health and fitness.

You don't have to interview job candidates; you get to select a great person to join your team.

We all want to associate with happy, enthusiastic, fulfilled people. The words you choose can help other people feel better about themselves -- and make you feel better about yourself.

10. Never talk about the failings of other people...

Granted, we all like hearing a little gossip. We all like hearing a little dirt.

The problem is, we don't necessarily like -- and we definitely don't respect -- the people who dish that dirt.

Don't laugh at other people. When you do, the people around you wonder if you sometimes laugh at them.

11. ... But readily admit your own failings.

Incredibly successful people are often assumed to have charisma simply because they're successful. Their success seems to create a halo effect, almost like a glow.

The key word is seem.

You don't have to be incredibly successful to be remarkably charismatic. Scratch the shiny surface, and many successful people have all the charisma of a rock.

But you do have to be incredibly genuine to be remarkably charismatic.

Be humble. Share your screwups. Admit your mistakes. Be the cautionary tale. And laugh at yourself.

While you should never laugh at other people, you should always laugh at yourself.

People won't laugh at you. People will laugh with you.

They'll like you better for it -- and they'll want to be around you a lot more.

Why Our Brains Like Short-Term Goals

Achieving your goals isn’t just about hard work and discipline. It’s about physiology. By understanding how the brain processes success and failure, you can jump-start your productivity to create a winning streak and put an end to failed New Year's resolutions.

The more times you succeed at something, the longer your brain stores the information that allowed you to do so well in the first place. That’s because with each success, our brain releases a chemical called dopamine. When dopamine flows into the brain's reward pathway (the part responsible for pleasure, learning and motivation), we not only feel greater concentration but are inspired to re-experience the activity that caused the chemical release in the first place.

This is why the cultivation of small wins can propel you to bigger success, and you should focus on setting just a few small achievable goals. While your ambitions can remain grand, setting the bar too high with goals can actually be counterproductive. Each time we fail, the brain is drained of dopamine making it not only hard to concentrate but also difficult to learn from what went wrong.

Why We Learn More From Success Than Failure

Ever find yourself destined to repeat the same mistakes over and over again? According to a study completed by researchers at MIT’s Picower Institute for Learning and Memory, that is exactly how our brains are wired to work. Their findings determined that our brain cells only learn from experience when we do things right and failure doesn’t register the same way.

In the experiment, monkeys viewed two images on a computer screen, one that presented a reward if the subject reacted by looking right, another when it looked left. The study showed that the brain response when a monkey received an award for looking the right way improved its chances of performing well on the next trial.

The study makes important discoveries not only about the way we learn but the brain’s neural plasticity or ability to change in response to experiences. When behavior is successful our cells become finely tuned to what the animal was learning at the time while a failure shows little change in the brain or improvement in the monkey’s behavior.

Related: How to Stick to Your New Year's Resolutions

Set Goals Your Brain Likes

Collecting wins, no matter how small, can chemically wire you to move mountains by causing a repeated release of dopamine. But to get going you have to land those first few successes. The key to creating your own cycle of productivity is to set a grand vision and work your way there with a few, achievable goals that increase your likelihood of experiencing a positive outcome.

“Your vision is your destination, and small, manageable goals are the motor that will get you there,” says Dr. Frank Murtha, a New York-based counseling psychologist with a focus on investor psychology, behavioral finance and financial risk taking. “Without the vision you’re on a road to nowhere. Without the goals, you have a destination but no motor. They work in tandem, and you need both.”

Create a Road Map for Your Subconscious Mind

Kick off goal setting by preparing a short vision statement of where you want to go. “Vision creates a picture for the subconscious mind. Our subconscious is what makes us such good problem solvers compared to a computer,” says Dr. Richard Peterson, a psychiatrist and neuroeconomics researcher who has written two books on financial risk taking. “We can see 1,000 dimensions of a problem and sort it down to the most important very quickly.”

The subconscious is not only responsible for 90 percent of the decisions we make in day-to-day life, but is also the part of the brain that is largely in charge when we are performing creative tasks or charting unknown territory. The very act of giving your emotional brain a detailed portrait of your end goal also ensures that, even inadvertently, you will take the steps needed to steer yourself toward it.

Articulate your vision with words and a picture or two; the more detailed the better. Post this where you can see it regularly.

Related: New Year's Resolution Tips for Busy People

Work Your Way There With Short-Term Goals

To rack up those first few wins, you’ve got to set only a few short-term goals at a time. Each should ideally take no more than three months to achieve. The goals should be realistic and specific, and incorporate your strengths. Writing them down, ideally in a place where you will see them every day, will help you stay focused.

If success releases the production of dopamine, failure can do the opposite. Setting over-reaching goals, or too many goals at once, can be counterproductive for those seeking to harness the power of the brain’s reward center. If you set four goals and achieve only two of them, it’s human nature to focus on what went wrong; even the successes you were able to accomplish fail to drum out what you weren’t able to achieve.

Remember, success begets success.
 

7 Science-Backed Strategies for Building Powerful Habits

 Achieving a goal often involves developing a new routine and sticking to it. Whether you want to network more, take on more consulting work, wake up earlier or exercise regularly, you’ll have to cement your intention by making it a habit.

Switching up your schedule can be unsettling and inconvenient. Life gets in the way, and it can be tempting to make excuses about why you have to break your habit.

That’s why some scientists dedicate their careers to figuring out what influences human behavior. If we know how we’re hardwired to respond to our own actions, we can set ourselves up for continued success.

Read on for some scientifically proven tips for developing habits that last.

1. Discover what triggers you.

In his book The Power of Habit, author Charles Duhigg describes a simple neurological loop at the core of every habit, a revelation MIT researchers originally discovered. The three steps in the loop are “cue,” “routine” and “reward.”

To carry out a specific action regularly, you’ll need a reliable reminder (cue). If you aim to stick to a certain time of day, set an alarm. A consistent location also helps. Also, places you already frequent will likely trigger your existing habits (e.g., sitting on the couch triggers you to want to watch TV).

Other people are some of your biggest behavioral influences and can be cues, too. Try to surround yourself with individuals who already behave how you aspire to.

If you perform on cue over and over, you’ll develop your routine. And once you’re immersed in your routine, you’ll start to reap the reward that comes from following through with your intentions.

Read more: 5 Triggers That Make New Habits Stick

2. View your goal as an obligation rather than a desire.

Sometimes we’re motivated more by the negative repercussions of not doing something than we are by the possible benefits of doing it.

Tory Higgins, a professor of psychology and business at Columbia University, has spent more than 20 years studying what makes people reach their goals. He is also the director of Columbia’s Motivation Science Center. He describes two categories of goals: promotional goals and prevention goals. Promotional goals are ones we hope to achieve, while prevention goals are ones we are afraid not to achieve.

You can look at the same goal and frame it in a promotional manner or a prevention manner. Prevention is more effective, Higgins has said. So, tell yourself, “I have to achieve my goal because otherwise I won’t X.” The first time you carry out the activity necessary for your habit and goal, it will become your new status quo. You will feel worried that slipping up at any point in the future will disrupt that status quo.

Conversely, framing it in a promotion way, such as “I have to achieve my goal because X good thing will happen if I do,” doesn’t hold you accountable. If you have an off day, you’ll become discouraged that the “X good thing” you’re working toward will never materialize.

Read more: 8 Ways You Can Use Science to Make Your New Year's Resolutions Stick

3. Work on one habit at a time.

Even if you’ve determined your triggers, or a schedule for carrying out your new habit, you will be far less likely to keep it up if you try to make more than one big routine change at a time.

If you’re trying to master more than one habit at a time, studies have shown that you’ll be far more likely to fail than if you were just working on one. Know that you don’t need to revamp your entire life all at once, and you probably won’t be able to, anyway.

Read more: The Scientific Argument for Mastering One Thing at a Time

4. Stack one habit on top of another.

Keep in mind that you already have a lot of habits. But don’t worry: They don’t have to get in the way of the new ones you’re trying to establish.

In fact, your existing habits can serve as the basis for your future habits. Certain actions are already second nature to you -- from showering to brewing a pot of coffee -- because you have developed neural pathways in your brain that take you through the steps.

Experts suggest that you “stack” your habits. For example, if your goal is to practice gratitude regularly, when you go to the kitchen to make your coffee in the mornings, you might think of one thing you’re grateful for. Why try to carve a new path when you can follow a well-worn one?

Read more: How to Build New Habits by Taking Advantage of Old Ones

5. Don’t confuse your habit with your goal.

In other words, don’t dwell on what you’re working toward in the long term. If you successfully perform your habitual task, consider that a win in and of itself.

This is the “routine” part of the neurological habit loop. You can’t expect to see dramatic fitness results after only going to the gym a handful of times, and the same goes for any other type of goal and habit. Focus on the ritual, rather than the result. Over time, the process will become second nature, and your desired outcome will follow.

Read more: 5 Common Mistakes That Cause New Habits to Fail

6. Minimize decision-making.

Making choices is tiresome. There’s even a term for the exhaustion you feel after making too many: Decision fatigue.

One study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that participants demonstrated reduced self-control -- less physical stamina, reduced persistence in the face of failure and more procrastination -- after making several decisions about what types of goods to buy.

If your goal is to read more, for instance, create a short list of books or articles you’re interested in, then rank them in order of which you want to read first. Simply wandering over to your bookshelf every time you’re ready to crack open a book will make you feel overwhelmed.

Streamlining your routine and narrowing your choices -- in as many aspects of your life as possible -- will save you the mental energy you’ll need for the activity you’re trying to turn into a habit.

Read more: The Surprising Strategy One Man Used to Eliminate Procrastination

7. Reward yourself.

This doesn’t mean you need to provide yourself with external rewards such as small personal gifts (although you might find that effective). Your brain chemistry has its own reward system.

Every time you check off a task on your to-do list, your brain secretes the hormone dopamine, which corresponds with pleasure, learning and motivation. This is what makes you feel good about yourself when you do something you intended to do.

In pursuit of more dopamine, you’ll be driven to perform that same task again. Success begets success.

But keep in mind that little successes build up to big ones, as Stanford researcher B.J. Fogg has found. For instance, if your goal is better time management, commit to working on a project for just 10 minutes a day at first. If you set the bar at a height you can consistently clear, you’ll be more likely to succeed, get that dopamine rush again and keep your momentum going.

Read more: Why Our Brains Like Short-Term Goals

Criticism Is Not Feedback

Feedback is a vital element of our personal and professional development. But in order for input to have tangible benefits, two principles must be followed. First, it must be supportive. The fact is, there’s a huge difference between feedback and criticism. Feedback is helpful and constructive; criticism is hurtful and damaging. Second, input alone won’t amount to anything if the recipient doesn’t modify their behavior accordingly. Listed below are tips to make feedback a more effective and rewarding experience for both giver and recipient.

18 Ways to Give Better Feedback

Setting the Stage

Make your input count. Give guidance that is factual –– based on hard evidence — rather than emotional; is even-handed –– examines both sides of an issue; is balanced –– sees the positive and the negative; and is open-minded –– free from personal bias.

Make the feedback timely. Offer input soon after an activity rather than weeks or months later. This will ensure that the feedback is relevant and helpful.

Give feedback in person. Input doesn’t have to be formal, but it should be made a priority. For that reason, it’s important to give input face-to-face, or via “Skype” if necessary, rather than by e-mail or text. This will enhance communication by providing a more personal and immediate two-way dialog and will enable each party to gauge the other’s body language.

Give feedback prior thought. Know the key points that you want to make rather than shooting from the hip.

Provide advance notification. Don’t blindside the recipient by catching them off guard. Furthermore, ease into the conversation rather than hitting them with a two-by-four.

Respect the recipient’s other priorities. Catch the recipient during a peaceful time of day, so that they’re emotionally available. Remember, being present is not the same as being there.

Refrain from multitasking. Before providing feedback, secure the recipient’s undivided attention –– free from distractions.

The Feedback

Build people up rather than tearing them down. Compliment people in public; present their shortcomings in private. Avoid shaming or threatening the recipient at all costs.

Focus on the act. Base your input on the recipient’s actions rather than on demeaning the person.

Be constructive. Make your input actionable rather than general.

Be honest and direct. Tell it like it is. This will ensure that nothing is left to the imagination. Furthermore, if your feedback is always glowing, compliments will be less credible.

Praise, the right way. A compliment is great — when it offers specifics about what the person is doing right or areas where they’ve improved.

Present the facts. Feedback should always come from firsthand experience rather than something you heard via a third party.

Encourage meaningful communication. Make feedback a two-way conversation rather than a lecture. Furthermore, the reviewer and recipient must communicate with each other rather than just taking turns talking. And — please give the recipient ample time to respond.

Be conscious of what goes unsaid. Read between the lines. A recipient who is silent could still be sending you a loud message.

After the Fact

Confirm understanding. Make sure you and the recipient are on the same page before ending the conversation.

Establish an action plan. Offer suggestions for improvement and expectations going forward.

Follow up. Establish a specific time to review actions taken and progress being made.

Are You Open to Feedback?

Some people avoid feedback like the plague. They think that if they don’t know their flaws, they don’t have any. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that these folks make the same mistakes over and over again. Other people evade constructive feedback by surrounding themselves with yes people. They’d rather receive confirmation of their own ideas than be challenged by opposing views. While that might do wonders for their ego, it does little to advance their cause. The fact is, surrounding yourself with yes people is like talking to yourself.

Feedback should be welcomed rather than feared. In fact, we should thank folks who make the effort to nurture us with their valuable input –– even if it hurts at times. How do you expect to become a better person if you don’t know where to begin? The truth is, practice doesn’t make perfect if you’re doing it wrong. Feedback enables us to learn about our shortcomings and take corrective action. Don’t bury your head…nourish it. That’s how excellence is born.

Rohn: 8 Ways to Master the Art of Communication

Verbal Communication

1. Your words

It’s been said that people judge you by the words you use, and this is true. Choose your words wisely. Words have power. They have the power to move nations and they have the power to destroy as well. When you speak, use your words carefully.

Here are a few things to consider in regard to your words:

• Avoid using words that will cause the other person to think poorly of you. Slang is one example. Another is, of course, slurs of any type. Use words that communicate positive values. Use optimistic words, words of strength. Make sure they are understandable.
• Use words that are colorful and rich with meaning, as long as they can be understood by the listener.

2. Your Vocabulary

An expanded vocabulary will set you apart. It enhances the communication process and draws others in.

Your vocabulary can reveal to others how educated you are, and others may make judgments about you that can affect your opportunities with them. The best communicators will use an expanded vocabulary with more educated groups and a more basic vocabulary with less-educated groups.

Just as important as what you say is how you say it. What tone are you using? When you speak, are you monotone? Or do you move the tone of your voice, changing it up? This will naturally help people follow what you’re saying. Changing the tone of your voice is a very effective way to draw people into your message. Imagine if a painter only used one color. We want lots of color and lots of tone.

Along with the words you use and your tone, consider your pace. Sometimes when you speak you may need to go slowly, and sometimes you may need to go very fast. The speed with which you speak will tell others certain things. A fast pace will communicate that you’re excited about something. A slow pace usually communicates thoughtfulness or that you really want them to hear your point.

Choosing your pace is also like using your volume in an effective way. Master communicators will draw their audience in by fluctuating their voice from very loud to a near whisper. The audience doesn’t even know that the speaker is taking them on a roller coaster ride of communication. There are lessons to be learned here. Even in a one-on-one conversation, we can shift and change volume, keeping our communication more effective.

3. Emotion

The emotions you communicate while speaking are vital. The key here is to show emotion without “getting emotional.” Emotions can be a very effective communicator. For example, showing anger can communicate that you are very serious about something (as long as you don’t get angry often). Allowing yourself to cry can show a side of you to others that communicates that you are a person of passion who, while being a hard-charging person who desires success, also has a tender side. Allowing yourself to laugh will communicate that you have a fun side and do not take yourself too seriously. Emotion, if controlled, is a powerful communicator.

4. Enunciation

Do you speak clearly so people can understand you? Enunciation is an often-overlooked key to effective communication. It’s imperative to clearly enunciate our words so that people understand us. Clear enunciation gives us a little “punch” to our communication. Work on enunciating your words clearly. The key is to get it just right—enunciating so that your words don’t run together but not over-enunciating so that you sound unnatural.

In all of these principles, the idea is variety. Anytime we communicate in a single way, we become predictable and people stop listening. Think of yourself. Do you like to listen to people who speak at one speed, in one tone, with a boring vocabulary and without emotion? Of course not! Then we should make every effort to be colorful and effective communicators. And we can be—if we work at it and practice, practice, practice!

Nonverbal Communication

What you say affects how you communicate, certainly, but just as important is what you don’t say. Yes, your nonverbal communication has a major impact on how well you communicate.

Have you ever given much thought to how you communicate nonverbally? Here are some thoughts on ways to use nonverbal communication to support what you’re saying verbally.

5. Your Hands

Keeping your hands by your side will make you seem stiff and uncomfortable. Instead, use your hands to communicate. Now, don’t get too demonstrative to the point where people are wondering where your hands are going next. One way to see what you do nonverbally is to record yourself speaking. Watch what you do with your hands.

6. Your Eyes

The eyes can be a very powerful tool in communication. You know the old saying, “the eyes are the window to your soul”? It’s true. Think of what a mother communicates to her newborn when she gazes into their eyes, or what a couple says without words when they look into each other’s eyes. The eyes speak volumes.

Have you spoken with someone who is constantly looking around? What does that communicate? A lack of interest in what you have to say.

When you speak to someone, look at them. Give them your attention with your eyes. Listen to them with your eyes. Communicate with them that they are important.

7. Your Arms

Some people don’t even realize when they’re “closed off” to someone else by crossing their arms when the other person is speaking. Those who study this tell us that crossing the arms is a surefire way to close yourself off from the other person. It communicates closure, fear and opposition.

8. Speaking Position

When you’re communicating, especially in a presentation situation, your speaking position, whether you are standing, sitting, kneeling, etc., can communicate a lot.

For example, my good friend Zig Ziglar, a master of the stage, will frequently move to the front of the stage and kneel. What is he nonverbally communicating? He is saying, “Listen closely to this. This is really important.” He is bringing the audience in for an intimate moment. Even in a room with 1,000 people, this way of communicating can make every individual feel like Zig is speaking closely to just them.

Sitting communicates casualness. I know many speakers will give a considerable part of their presentation this way. John C. Maxwell, another friend of mine, and a world-class leadership expert, gives quite a bit of his speeches while sitting. His style is informative and casual—and it is effective.