Do “Good”

Tom Callos repost

Having spent 30 years (or so) of effort in trying to help the international martial arts community define and embrace what good teaching is, what ethical business practices are, and how to effectively and efficiently operate martial arts schools --that matter...

...and now being in a position, having stepped away, to look at the big(ger) picture of it all, it sort of comes to this:

Do Good.

Many of the things endlessly debated about "business" in the martial arts business community, are actually common-sense housekeeping and organizational issues. It's as if we need to discuss, again, how to get dressed in nice, clean, color-coordinated clothes --- how to carry some money in our wallets, how to brush our teeth and comb our hair(s), how to greet people, how to tie our shoes, how not to spend more money than we have  ----you know, things we should have on automatic.

What we must continue discussing is not the common fundamentals of getting dressed and being a functional human being, but in what we DO once our shoes are tied and we look presentable.

We should focus on the opposite of DOING BAD...which is DOING GOOD, yes?

Good for ourselves, good for others, good for our neighbors, our friends, the community we live in, and things that we can do a little of, for the world, that when done by millions of other people, make a difference on a global scale.

Your school "marketing" could (and should) be about how you carry out this mission, thru the efforts of the people you have influence with.

How much you charge (it isn't much), how many classes someone can take, how much YOU know and how many medals you've won and how great you are --take a giant backseat to the action, the GOOD action, you inspire in your community, through your students. Those are the stories to tell.

TEST: look back on all your community communication (marketing) you've done in the last 100 days --and total the amount of "ads" that communicate your mission to contribute thru the efforts of those you influence.

Then, pledge to start adjusting your efforts to reflect how the work you do is taken out of your dojo and put to work in the world.

100 days from now could you have told 50 stories of how your work manifests itself in the world --to the benefit of other people, places, and things?

I'd say that the quality of that effort reflects your intelligence, your objectives, and the way your community values you and the work you seek to do.

Rohn: 8 Ways to Master the Art of Communication

Rohn: 8 Ways to Master the Art of Communication

Verbal Communication

1. Your words

It’s been said that people judge you by the words you use, and this is true. Choose your words wisely. Words have power. They have the power to move nations and they have the power to destroy as well. When you speak, use your words carefully.

Here are a few things to consider in regard to your words:

·                  Avoid using words that will cause the other person to think poorly of you. Slang is one example. Another is, of course, slurs of any type. Use words that communicate positive values. Use optimistic words, words of strength. Make sure they are understandable.

·                  Use words that are colorful and rich with meaning, as long as they can be understood by the listener.

2. Your Vocabulary

An expanded vocabulary will set you apart. It enhances the communication process and draws others in.

Your vocabulary can reveal to others how educated you are, and others may make judgments about you that can affect your opportunities with them. The best communicators will use an expanded vocabulary with more educated groups and a more basic vocabulary with less-educated groups.

Just as important as what you say is how you say it. What tone are you using? When you speak, are you monotone? Or do you move the tone of your voice, changing it up? This will naturally help people follow what you’re saying. Changing the tone of your voice is a very effective way to draw people into your message. Imagine if a painter only used one color. We want lots of color and lots of tone.

Along with the words you use and your tone, consider your pace. Sometimes when you speak you may need to go slowly, and sometimes you may need to go very fast. The speed with which you speak will tell others certain things. A fast pace will communicate that you’re excited about something. A slow pace usually communicates thoughtfulness or that you really want them to hear your point.

Choosing your pace is also like using your volume in an effective way. Master communicators will draw their audience in by fluctuating their voice from very loud to a near whisper. The audience doesn’t even know that the speaker is taking them on a roller coaster ride of communication. There are lessons to be learned here. Even in a one-on-one conversation, we can shift and change volume, keeping our communication more effective.

3. Emotion

The emotions you communicate while speaking are vital. The key here is to show emotion without “getting emotional.” Emotions can be a very effective communicator. For example, showing anger can communicate that you are very serious about something (as long as you don’t get angry often). Allowing yourself to cry can show a side of you to others that communicates that you are a person of passion who, while being a hard-charging person who desires success, also has a tender side. Allowing yourself to laugh will communicate that you have a fun side and do not take yourself too seriously. Emotion, if controlled, is a powerful communicator.

4. Enunciation

Do you speak clearly so people can understand you? Enunciation is an often-overlooked key to effective communication. It’s imperative to clearly enunciate our words so that people understand us. Clear enunciation gives us a little “punch” to our communication. Work on enunciating your words clearly. The key is to get it just right—enunciating so that your words don’t run together but not over-enunciating so that you sound unnatural.

In all of these principles, the idea is variety. Anytime we communicate in a single way, we become predictable and people stop listening. Think of yourself. Do you like to listen to people who speak at one speed, in one tone, with a boring vocabulary and without emotion? Of course not! Then we should make every effort to be colorful and effective communicators. And we can be—if we work at it and practice, practice, practice!

Nonverbal Communication

What you say affects how you communicate, certainly, but just as important is what you don’t say. Yes, your nonverbal communication has a major impact on how well you communicate.

Have you ever given much thought to how you communicate nonverbally? Here are some thoughts on ways to use nonverbal communication to support what you’re saying verbally.

5. Your Hands

Keeping your hands by your side will make you seem stiff and uncomfortable. Instead, use your hands to communicate. Now, don’t get too demonstrative to the point where people are wondering where your hands are going next. One way to see what you do nonverbally is to record yourself speaking. Watch what you do with your hands.

6. Your Eyes

The eyes can be a very powerful tool in communication. You know the old saying, “the eyes are the window to your soul”? It’s true. Think of what a mother communicates to her newborn when she gazes into their eyes, or what a couple says without words when they look into each other’s eyes. The eyes speak volumes.

Have you spoken with someone who is constantly looking around? What does that communicate? A lack of interest in what you have to say.

When you speak to someone, look at them. Give them your attention with your eyes. Listen to them with your eyes. Communicate with them that they are important.

7. Your Arms

Some people don’t even realize when they’re “closed off” to someone else by crossing their arms when the other person is speaking. Those who study this tell us that crossing the arms is a surefire way to close yourself off from the other person. It communicates closure, fear and opposition.

8. Speaking Position

When you’re communicating, especially in a presentation situation, your speaking position, whether you are standing, sitting, kneeling, etc., can communicate a lot.

For example, my good friend Zig Ziglar, a master of the stage, will frequently move to the front of the stage and kneel. What is he nonverbally communicating? He is saying, “Listen closely to this. This is really important.” He is bringing the audience in for an intimate moment. Even in a room with 1,000 people, this way of communicating can make every individual feel like Zig is speaking closely to just them.

Sitting communicates casualness. I know many speakers will give a considerable part of their presentation this way. John C. Maxwell, another friend of mine, and a world-class leadership expert, gives quite a bit of his speeches while sitting. His style is informative and casual—and it is effective.

Don't teach fighting

Don’t teach fighting. Teach how to combat fear

Breaking the ice

3 Stages of failure

Stage 1 is a Failure of Tactics. These are HOW mistakes. They occur when you fail to build robust systems, forget to measure carefully, and get lazy with the details. A Failure of Tactics is a failure to execute on a good plan and a clear vision.

Stage 2 is a Failure of Strategy. These are WHAT mistakes. They occur when you follow a strategy that fails to deliver the results you want. You can know why you do the things you do and you can know how to do the work, but still choose the wrong what to make it happen.

Stage 3 is a Failure of Vision. These are WHY mistakes. They occur when you don't set a clear direction for yourself, follow a vision that doesn't fulfill you, or otherwise fail to understand why you do the things you do.

Leadership

5 Ways to Speak More Powerfully

“It’s been impossible for me to get a job,” the woman tells me, having just been introduced by a mutual acquaintance at breakfast. “There’s just nothing out there. Absolutely nothing.”

Although I have no way to validate her situation, my strong sense is that it is not impossible and that there is something out there. She just hasn’t found it. As I encourage her to stay proactive, I can’t help but think how easily her words could create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Related: How Your Words Impact Your Success

The words you speak hold power. Power to create new possibilities or to close them down. Power to build relationships or to damage them. Power to lift people up or to pull them down.

Too often we don’t realize just how impactful our words are—both on ourselves and others. If we did, we’d do far less complaining and far more encouraging. You would also hear a lot less of “It’s impossible to…,” “I’m totally hopeless at…” or “I had no choice…”—all phrases which undermine our power and limit our future.

Psychologists have found that our subconscious mind interprets what it hears very literally. The words that come out of our mouth create the reality we inhabit. Unfortunately, it’s often a negative reality because we unconsciously sabotage our success simply by using language that undermines our opinions, amplifies our problems and chips away at our confidence to handle them.

Whatever direction your words lead, your mind, body, and environment will inevitably follow.

If you use positive language about yourself and your ability to learn new skills, achieve your goals and handle pressure, then that’s what tends to show up externally. Conversely, if you’re continually saying things that affirm incompetence, echo hopelessness, nurture anxiety or fuel pessimism, then that will also shape your reality. Over time your world will morph to mirror your words.

Therefore, it’s extremely important to be thoughtful about the words you use and deliberate about speaking in ways that empower and expand rather than devalue and deflate.

Related: Attitude Adjustment 101: Say It Out Loud with Me…

The truth is that most people grossly underestimate the power they possess to effect positive change. This is echoed in the words they use to describe themselves and their circumstances. By painting themselves as helpless victims of forces beyond their control, devoid of the power and influence to improve their lot, they render themselves just that. It’s a vicious cycle as they gather more and more evidence to confirm their powerlessness.

Tapping into your personal power starts with building self-awareness of where you are, using what psychologists call “out of power” language. To that end, below are five ways you can change how you speak in order to build your confidence, grow your influence and improve your ability to get more of what you want and change what you don’t.

1. Speak possibilities into life.

Orville and Wilbur Wright didn’t get an aircraft off the ground by focusing on what they couldn’t do, but by continually extending the boundaries of what they could. It’s the same for you. Focus on the things you want and you’ll spot opportunities you might have otherwise missed. Focus on the negative aspects of your situation, what you can’t or don’t want to do, and it will only amplify pessimism, triggering more negative emotions and channeling time and energy that might otherwise have been used more constructively.

For example:

• If you want more time, talk about the important things you will schedule into your day, week and year (not about how crazy busy you are).
• If you want more success, talk about your aspirations and what you can do to make them a reality (not about how big your problems are).
• If you want more power and influence, talk about what you’ll do with the influence you already have (not about how no one takes you seriously).

2. Don’t “try” to do something.

If President Kennedy had said, “Let’s try to get a man on the moon,” we’d probably still be trying. There is real power in making a committed declaration about what you want to change, achieve or become. Saying “I’ll try” resonates with hesitation and ambivalence. Saying “I will” declares to yourself and anyone listening that you’re serious about changing the game and what you most want is already a done deal. It’s just waiting to be completed.

Committing with a confident can-do spirit shifts the energy you bring to a challenge and rallies people around you in ways that trying, wishing and “hoping for the best” never will. Try it!

3. Never say never.

Up until Roger Bannister ran a mile in under 4 minutes in 1954, it was collectively believed to be a physical impossibility. So few people bothered to try. But within six weeks of Bannister doing the “impossible,” John Landy broke the record by nearly a second.

Most of us have no idea about what is actually possible. Likewise, when we use absolute terms as descriptors, we fall into what’s known as a “linguistic trap”—confining ourselves to the walls our words create. Hence, words like always, never and impossible can be very self-limiting and should be used cautiously.

4. Never apologize for having an opinion.

Russian philosopher Mikhail Bakhtin coined the term “double voice discourse” to explain the phenomena where people prefaced their statements to minimize the chance of a negative reaction. For instance, “I know I might have this all wrong, but…” or “I apologize if anyone disagrees, but I was thinking, maybe,… ”

It’s little surprise (to this woman at least) that women, who excel at forming relationships but are loathe to disrupt them, are four times more likely to do this than men. But regardless of your gender, devaluing your opinion serves no one and deprives everyone of the value your perspective brings.

5. Beware of labels. They limit.

When used on pantry containers, labels can be very helpful. But they can also hem you in because you subconsciously comply with them. For example, just because you are sometimes lazy doesn’t mean you can’t choose not to be lazy. Just because you failed at something, doesn’t mean you’re a failure. And just because you’ve had a lousy fashion sense doesn’t mean you can’t improve it.

Although changing habitual ways of speaking isn’t done overnight, neuroscientists have found that with repeated practice, you can rewire your brain. That is, your innate neural plasticity enables you to replace negative patterns of thought and behavior with positive ones. How you speak included. Of course, when you slip back into default habits, as you inevitably will, don’t beat yourself up or label yourself as a lost cause. Rather, accept your fallibility and refocus on the positive changes you want to make.

You can kick-start your efforts by asking your favorite three people to call you out each time they hear you use “out of power” language. It could be the most powerful thing you do all year!